Terroristic Behaviors
by LittleSuzieQ
Summary: Rachel runs into an issue with a jealous and paranoid Puck at the TSA security checkpoint. Puckleberry one shot


_Three more hours and I will be conquering Broadway_, Rachel Berry beamed as she thought about her dream about to come true. She strutted through the halls of Lima Allen County Airport, pulling a pink, wheeled trolley bag behind her.

"Uh, babe," her boyfriend wheezed from behind her. "Can, you. Please _fucking _slow down." Rachel stopped short and looked over her shoulder, smiling sheepishly, at Noah Puckerman dragging all five of her suitcases, while also carrying his own duffel bag.

"Noah! C'mon, we need to hurry! If we don't allow enough time at the security check in, we may miss our flight, and I may miss my chance of a lifetime to perform in a real Broadway show," Rachel gushed, folding her hands over her heart and looking off into the distance with a twinkling look in her eyes.

Puck rolled his eyes as he set the bags on the ground as he caught his breath. "Babe, if we miss our plane, the only thing you'll be missing out on is unloading the boxes the movers are taking to the apartment. And we are paying them to do it for us." Puck groaned as his back cracked when he bent down to retrieve the bags from the ground as Rachel came back to reality. "No fucking way am I carrying her boxes of trophies up twelve flights of stairs."

An elderly woman walking past glared disapprovingly at Puck, and Rachel scowled at him in agreement. "Noah. I have warned you against cursing in public."

"Yeah, yeah, 'Small children may learn bad habits from the language I use', I get it. Now hurry up and get a move on, we don't want to miss our flight!" Puck snickered as he kicked his girlfriend in the butt, signaling her to start walking.

Rachel huffed, annoyed, as she scurried after Puck, his long stride equaling two of hers.

"Excuse me, Miss, but I need you to step forward." a smirking, curly blonde haired TSA officer spoke with a southern twang, when they arrived at the security check in.

"Certainly," Rachel nodded, smiling at Puck before stepping in front of the TSA officer.

He grinned at her, and then looked to Puck, giving him a cheeky smirk.

Puck gaped at Rachel, helpless, as the officer took his sweet time pulling Rachel's arms up to shoulder height to "check for bombs". Puck knew better; he knew it was just a ploy to cop a feel on his insanely hot girlfriend.

As the officer raked his eyes down Rachel's body, Puck noticed the subtle linger on his girlfriend's partly exposed chest. "Fuck _no_," he cursed loudly; the elderly woman behind him, from earlier, smacked him upside the head with her purse. "Oh, give it a rest, will you? This is the twenty first century not the sixteenth when you grew up." the old woman looked offended, and scowled at the back if his head.

"Noah," Rachel scolded. "What did I tell you about-?"

"'Respecting our ancestors, because they have a wealth of information that will be beneficial to us as adults', yeah, yeah. Look, Rach, are you sure you don't want my sweatshirt. You look a little cold." He gave her his best puppy dog eyes, yanking his sweat shirt over his head, ready to hand it to her.

The TSA officer put his hands on his hips and glared at Puck. "If you will excuse us, I have a security _pat down_ to perform." he waggled his eyebrows suggestively as he emphasized "pat down".

Rachel smiled and towards back towards the officer.

Puck gave out a strangled groan. "Rach- you're shirt-"

Rachel turned back towards Puck questioningly. "What about my shirt?"

"It's kinda showing, well, you know," Puck managed, gesturing wildly with his hands, trying to put it in a way Rachel would pick up on.

Rachel looked down at her off the shoulder, striped t shirt in confusion. "Noah, I must insist that I have no idea what you are talking about."

He looked uncomfortable as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and back again. "You know. The girls."

"The girls? What are you talking-" Rachel stopped mid sentence with sudden comprehension. "Noah! You are the one that begged me to wear this shirt saying 'It makes you look even more fucking gorgeous babe'," She mimicked him, with a deep voice.

The two glared at each other for a few moments. Rachel smiled expectantly as Puck opened his mouth to speak, expecting to hear an apology. "I sound nothing like that."

Rachel gaped at Puck in astonishment before whipping herself around to face the officer. She jutted her chin out and turned her nose up into the air, throwing her shoulders back, proudly. "Alright, _sir_, pat me down. Pat me down, _real good._"

"Rachel," Puck growled, menacingly.

She turned toward him and smiled innocently. "What, Noah, whatever is the matter?"

"You know what's fucking wrong, Rach!"

"No I really don't think that I known what you are talking about!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Enough!" Startled at the sudden intrusion, the bellowing pair jumped apart from where they had stepped closer and closer together throughout their argument.

"You know what? Uh, actually, who cares if you two have bombs with you, both of your tempers will blow the plane up as it is. You two go on ahead," the TSA officer ushered them forward, before gesturing to the next passenger in a very long line of impatient airport patrons.

"It's all right, Son, I will allow you to pat me down, you handsome devil," the old woman winked, to the chagrin of the TSA officer, who grimaced painfully, before lightly feeling the old woman through her clothes.

"Noah, I'm sorry for making such a big scene," Rachel wound her hand through the crook of his elbow as he continued to struggle under the weight of the bags, when they made there way from the checkpoint.

"S'okay, babe. Just practice for the stage, right?" He said through gritted teeth.

She grinned up at him. "Well, of course. But still, you had to watch me shamelessly flirt with that airport official. And I have made you carry all my bags. Is there any way I could possibly make it up to you?" she looked up at him through her impossible long lashes.

Puck chuckled. "Yeah, I'm sure I'll be able to think of something." They walked past a row of chairs before he suddenly dropped the bags. "Hey, babe, I'll be back in a sec."

Curious, Rachel followed him back to the security check in. Puck jogged up to the TSA officer. "Now what?" he asked exasperatedly.

"Listen dude, I just want to thank you. Without you, I wouldn't be getting plane sex this afternoon." Puck winked and grinned at the slow smirk that formed on the officer's face.

"Noah! What have I told you about-?"

"'Giving people information about our nonexistent sex life,' yeah, yeah, I get it!"

**.**

**A/N: Well that was completely random! Hope you enjoyed this random little one shot I wrote at 1 am this morning!**

**Hahaha for some reason the thought of Rachel scolding Puck about his bad behavior just gives me the giggles. :D**

**And let's pretend that at this airport there are no metal checker, thingiemabobbers, kay? Okay!**

**Haha and I kinda randomly added the part with the old woman and the TSA dude, because, well, karma's a bitch! You hit on Rachel, you get hit on by old lady. BAM.**

**HEY. YOU THERE. YES, YOU. You should follow me on twitter at (at)tessa_kathryn and we can plot the many ways to open Ryan Murphy's eyes to Puckleberry! Yeah? Yeah!**


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